The Parish Church of St John-at-Hampstead

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October 2017

Bits and Pieces

The Cow and the Bible
A religious farmer lost his Bible out in the field. A few days later he went to answer a noise at his door. Standing there was a cow, with his Bible in its mouth. The farmer raised his eyes to heaven and thanked the Lord for this miracle. "Not really," said the cow. "Your name was written inside."

The symphony musicians had little confidence in the person brought in to be their new conductor. Their fears were realised at the very first rehearsal. The cymbalist, realising that the conductor did not know what he was doing, angrily clashed his instruments together during a delicate, soft passage. The music stopped. The conductor, highly agitated, looked angrily around the orchestra, demanding, "Who did that? Who did that?"

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

The glass
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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