Barney always said that the only time he would allow me to speak without his help would be at his funeral, so sadly I am taking the opportunity. I only wish that he could pour me one of his famous gin and tonics to give me strength.
As we all know, Barney is irreplaceable. I am so fortunate to have been married to him for nearly 25 memorable years. In that time we were only apart for barely six weeks and had adventures all over the world. Though he usually called me darling, his favourite terms of endearment included child, ape face, stupid woman, fat fool and silly little woman. When anyone asked about me on the phone, he would always say, “I’m still married to her – never marry a Tasmanian.”
Barney was renowned for getting words and phrases slightly wrong and for unexpected funny comments. Out of countless stories, which I am now sorry I never recorded, I would like to share a few with you.
One evening in the Flask Walk restaurant La Cage Imaginaire, which he called Camaginaire, the waiter asked him if he would like anything else. He replied, “Yes please – a cupboard to put my wife in.”
Just recently, I took him his early morning cup of tea and told him that there was better news about the economy on the radio; he said to me “You’re a Jehovah’s witness.” On investigation I realised that he meant I was a Job’s comforter.
Once when in Tasmania he had an appointment with his cardiologist and I had one for a mammogram. The phone rang and I heard him say, “I can’t stop now, Marg’s off to have a monogram and I’m off to see my gynaecologist.”
Barney was very patriotic. None of his friends in Hobart will forget the one-day England versus Australia Match a few years ago. He was the only Pom in the party that crossed the harbour by ferry to the cricket ground. England had victory in sight and Barney was triumphant. However, at the last moment Australia won by four runs. Barney had had a lovely day until then but on the return ferry he had everyone in stitches by insisting that England had had a moral victory.
One evening we were the last helpers out at a function in the church and carrying boxes of glasses to the car. I could not find the gate that was not padlocked and Barney was following me around the churchyard berating me loudly as “You stupid woman”, when an open-topped car stopped and a young woman rushed up to the railings. She said “Are you all right?” I replied that I was but thanked her for stopping and told her that this was my husband’s usual behaviour and I loved him very much.
Barney’s driving could be hair-raising to say the least. Once when driving into a Shropshire town, he impatiently overtook a stream of queued cars only to find himself face to face with oncoming traffic. He quickly made a right turn into a no entry lane and we found ourselves in a pedestrian mall, complete with trees and benches. Much to my consternation and pedestrians’ amazement he drove through to the other end and across a curb to re-enter the main highway. His comment was “There you are ape-face, why did you try to stop me – I knew what I was doing.”
Barney recently relinquished all the driving to me, allowing me to sit in the driving seat and steer while he continued to drive beside me. Thankfully he sometimes slept!
Last Christmas we attended the Carol Service at All Saints in Hobart. We arrived when the church was full, and had to sit on a bench between the choir and the organ. We all had candles and during the singing I looked down to see my carol sheet on fire, so I waved it about to put it out. No-one, particularly the choir, will forget Barney saying loudly “Put it on the floor you fat fool and stamp on it.” I did.
Philip has asked me to leave something for him to say. I can now hear Barney saying,”Do as you are told, child. Be quiet Marg. Enough.”
Margaret Rogers
Margaret Rodgers
Memories of Barney