The Parish Church of St John-at-Hampstead

7th June 2015 Evensong Decisions, Decisions Diana Young

 Psalm 37: 1 – 11; Jeremiah 6: 16 – 21; Romans 9: 1 – 13

“Stand at the crossroads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way lies; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls.” (Jeremiah 6:16)

I wonder when you last found yourself standing at one of life’s crossroads, having to make a big decision?  A bit like Robert Frost in his famous poem about the road through the woods, you can see in both directions, perhaps even imagine what each might be like. But you can’t decide which way to go. 
In every decision there is both a yes and a no.  Saying yes to one thing usually means saying no to something else. But, think for a moment about your last big decision –  which way did you take; how did you decide?  Was it fairly obvious, or did it take weeks of pondering, weighing the pros and cons? Did you pray about it, hoping perhaps that God would give you a sign?  Did you perhaps decide not to decide, but to wait and bear the discomfort of not knowing?  Or did circumstances perhaps make the decision for you in the end?
The way we make our decisions reflects who we are.  Some of us like to carefully weigh up all the evidence on both sides.  Others of us rely more on intuition – what feels right. Some of us may even have studied decision-making techniques because we need these skills in our work. 
Our decisions, cumulatively, also change us.  C S Lewis said this “[E]very time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different than it was before.  And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing into a heavenly creature or a hellish creature: either into a creature that is in harmony with God, and with other creatures, and with itself, or else into one that is in a state of war and hatred with God.”
So our decisions are important not just for the difference they make to what we do, but to who we are.  In order to make good life decisions we  need to know ourselves and to know ourselves in relation to God.  Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits, who lived from 1491 – 1556, certainly thought this too.  Ignatius’ approach to spirituality can be very helpful in discernment and decision-making.  I shall be drawing on it later.
Jeremiah spoke his words about the crossroads to the people of Judah, who had a false picture of themselves and their status before God.  The Northern kingdom of Israel had already fallen to Assyria and many of its citizens had been exiled.  As Assyrian power waned the Babylonians became more powerful, but the people of Judah thought that they were invincible because they had survived before and God had promised that His holy city of Jerusalem would remain for ever.  As God’s beloved people they believed they could do no wrong in His eyes.  They were indeed beloved, but this did not excuse their greed and corruption.  Politically, the city of Jerusalem fell to the Babylonians because the people of Judah refused to pay tribute. But Jeremiah also sees this as a judgement on their unjust behaviour. Either way, the decision to resist the Babylonian empire was perhaps a rash one.
The people of Judah perhaps needed to take to heart the words of Psalm 37 which we also heard this evening:  “Put thou thy trust in the Lord and be doing good; dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.  Delight thou in the Lord, and he shall give thee thy heart’s desire.” (Psalm 37: 3-4)
Ignatian spirituality also tells us that if, at the deepest level, our lives are orientated towards God, our own desires and God’s desires for us will be the same thing.  This is because in following our deepest desires we will be becoming the person God made us to be.  It is our deepest desires which are important here, what is really at the core of our being – not the more superficial things which may catch our eye and tend to become idols if we let them.  And of course even things that are good in themselves like family or career or creativity can easily become idols if we allow them to.
But all of this means that when we are making a decision, the question ‘What do I really want to do, deep down?’ is a much more important and useful question than ‘What ought I to do?’      I find that rather a relief.
And then Ignatian spirituality tells us to notice how we are feeling.  For some of us, this comes more easily than for others.  For everyone it takes practice to notice small movements in our inner mood.  But when we are making a decision we can ask ourselves.  Does the thought of this possibility give rise to feelings of joy, enthusiasm, deeper faith, greater hope and trust, greater love, confidence, courage? These feelings, which Ignatius called called ‘consolation’, accompany our desires when they are clearly pointed towards loving and serving God, others and our true selves.
The opposite of feelings of consolation, Ignatius called ‘desolation’.  Desolation brings with it feelings of darkness or turmoil, doubt, temptation, restlessness and self-preoccupation. Such feelings diminish faith and move us away from God, leaving us without hope and without love.
If our lives are rooted in God taking time to notice such feelings can be helpful when making a decision; we can ask ourselves,  Which way feels life-giving?  Which do I feel excited by, which seems full of possibilities? Which makes me feel deadened, depressed, or drains my energy?  Viewed in this way, it won’t necessarily be the ‘easy option’ which feels most attractive or most life-giving.  God’s offer of abundant life does not equate to easy life!
Ignatius wrote a prayer which expresses the depth of his trust in God and his desire to do God’s will.  If we have the courage, it would be a good prayer to use when making a decision, remembering as we do that God’s will for us is that we should be most completely ourselves.  Here is the prayer:
Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding,
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.
You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.
Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace,
that is enough for me.
Or as Psalm 37 says, “Commit thy way unto the Lord, and put thy trust in him, and he shall bring it to pass.” (Psalm 37: 5)
Amen