‘Some Mothers Do ’Ave ’Em’
(Pat Gardner (1923-2018) on her son Davy)
My mother left our family Diaries written daily from 1981 to 2013, her 90th year. They read well and cover much. One learns much about her… and also, as I discovered, about oneself!
The Eighties: Home to Davy – I’m sure I’d miss him a lot if he wasn’t with me… Why me – a peace-lover, has to put up with these aggro people? It could be the death of me… It’s a great pleasure to live with Davy. There’s so much to share & appreciate together… Davy makes the big sacrifice & shaves his beard off for Gran’s birthday appearance!… Always pleasant when Davy is home, though seldom quiet… How many times do I think to myself ‘Thank God I live with Davy’!!… Oh the joy of sharing one’s passion with a twin soul. Fate took one David [her ex-husband] away but gave me another… Lose temper with Davy. Always at me for not reacting exactly as he wishes to anything he reads, listens to or watches… Snow & ice still pretty treacherous but we make it safely to Judy’s party. Davy tends to hold the floor in the manner of his father – sometimes amusing, at others embarrassing… Davy a proper Jekyll & Hyde – all smiles, sweetness & light when he realises he’s gone too far… Mum’s 91st birthday, so visit Hampstead Cemetery. Pay my respects & ask them to help Davy if they can to find more fulfilment from life… Davy & I have made a pact. We are not going to quarrel any more. At any rate we are going to try very hard not to… Absurd spat with David. D rings sweetly to apologise & brings flowers in the evening. We are more & more like husband & wife – How awful!… Davy gets home, but totally motherless. How did we rear such bad mannered children?… Davy out drinking – Falls asleep in chair with full cup of coffee. Disaster! …
The Nineties: D home late with black eye & smashed spectacles & not even he knows how!… Morning revelation – D spent the night in a police cell in Stoke Newington – having been picked up in ‘motherless’ condition!… Mother’s Day present from Davy! Casebook on 3 matricides!… It is alarming to realise that without Davy I could not keep up this house… His companionship means more than ever now… Perhaps I’m feeling a little bit insecure now that Davy is leading so much more of a social life than before – It’s as it should be of course, but I’ve got so used to having him around for the past 17 years as a companion, enjoying TV together, & theatres & meals. Anyway, I cheer myself with Hamlet & King Lear!… Feeling depressed about D’s entanglements – ‘It cannot come to good’… Davy & I agree how ‘mature’ we’ve become with one another & both feel that the church has much to do with it… Davy is keeping off smoking & cutting the drinking severely – Not happy with his growing paunch!!… If he would only cut down on the vices!
The Noughties:… Davy for ever ‘catching up’ with TV, newspapers, books, periodicals, videos & a dozen other concerns… Davy comes in drunk & says he’s lost his glasses AGAIN. 9 June 2000: The first audition for ‘Inherit the Wind’. Mary Ruth is available to play Rachel but Angela Bates was equally good… 25 September 2000: Davy is 46 today. Angela reads in for Mary Ruth – so well. She’s a honey… I feel my life to be caught in a whirlwind of change. Davy has met a lovely girl & it could be serious. Please Lord, guide us all aright… 1 January 2001: See the New Year in with Davy & Angela. Angela helped Davy all day with his Hamlet script on the computer… Davy is touchy & difficult. Embarrasses me when he’s like that in front of Angela… Angela brings out the best in him… A gem. Oh dear, he’ll have to pop the question soon… Mothering Sunday 25 March 2001: Beautiful card from Davy… Angela & her parents sat with us in church… Long may she love him… She is an angel & I long for them to get engaged… However did he manage without her? She seems to fit into his life like the glass slipper… Can’t wait for the proposal & please God, acceptance!… 6 June 2001: Davy rings to say Angela has invited us all to dinner on Saturday. How super – I tell him to get on with the proposal – so we can all celebrate… 7 June 2001: Oh joy! Oh rapture! Davy and Angela are engaged to be married! What can I say, my heart is so full – just thank you, thank you dear Lord for bringing them together… Haunted all night by the realisation of the changes about to happen in my life… 25 September 2001: Davy’s happiest birthday – 47 & last one as a bachelor!… I just hope A can cure him of his excessive imbibing. Sunday 5 May 2002: The Wedding Day. How is it possible to write of such a day? I have never seen Davy so happy, nor any bride more beautiful.